black

Whenever I write about something sad, I'd use a black pen. Whenever I see the disappointment in you eyes when you refuse to look at me, I feel sad. When I was a kid, I would ignore it because I didn't understand but now that I do, I have to say that it hurts real bad. It hurts to know that you love her more. It hurts to know that she's your favourite. You can be so cold and it's not that you can't express your feelings. You tend to do it so well with her. I'm sorry I can't be as perfect as her and I'm sorry I can't even be half as good as she can be. Do you know that it's been years since I've heard you say I love you? Do you know that the last time you called just to say hi was years ago? And yet, you can dedicate your Sunday mornings to her every week without fail. She's separated from you a few thousand miles away and I'm right in front of you and yet all you can see is her. On the other hand, my flaws are just like a magnifying glass to exactly how perfect she is. It's not your fault. Not at all. Because I'm the cause of all the problems and I'm the culprit of everything bad. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that my mistakes are so bad that you can't even find it in your heart to forgive me. I'm sorry that my flaws are so screwed up that you can't even stand listening to my explanation. I know I'm lucky that I've got you, I know that there's tons of people out there who are even more ignorant. But if you can love her so much, can't you love me just a little bit more?

Daddy, I'm sorry I'm not perfect.

Because I choose to let it burn away..